Ratings (out of ten): Acting - 1 (was that acting or dress rehearsal?) SFX - 2 (the blood managed to look real a few times) Plot - 0 (No plot, no continuity) Scare Factor - 2 (Proven to scare small fleas) Deaths Per Minute - REALLY BLOODY LOW!

After seeing this movie, I have to say it was probably one of the funniest, most pathetic movies I have ever seen. In fact, I'm not even sure that I actually saw it. It was so bad that I'm almost certain it was just a hallucination. (Too much Mountain Dew can do that to you...) This film is dedicated to Lucio Fulci, an Italian horror director (what an honor). If I had a film this bad made in MY name, I think I would just kill myself on the spot.

From the start this film is pure bad acting, and it never improves. I dare say that the acting in this film is WORSE than that in "Silent Night, Deadly Night" (an amazing feat in and of itself). From Uncle Sam to Little Psycho Boy, they are all just wooden actors begging for some paint. Issac Hayes (better known as "Chef" from South Park) and Timothy Bottoms (better known as Tom Porter from Land Of The Lost) manage to pull off disturbingly bad performances, matched only by David Shark's especially wooden performance. After seeing this film I was wishing they had REALLY set ol' Sharkie on fire...

The stock footage used in this film is priceless. I remember in particular a "sunrise" that old Jeff created by running the tape backwards on a sunset. I guess the real sunrise cost an additional $0.40.

The special effects truly take the cake, though. There is one scene when the teacher gets axed, where the "blood" is nothing more than maple syrup. Syrup! I guess they couldn't get ketchup, so they decided maple syrup was the next best thing. Another scene shows the blood of Uncle Sam's victim BOILING on the ground! The final showdown, however, is truly bad. We get to see Uncle Sam flying through the air CLEARLY SUPPORTED BY WIRES. The wires even stay on him when he crashes into the house, and the wires clearly tear into the house right above him. Nice editing, Bob. The plot manages to out do this final ending for our villain, though. The house which was shown COMPLETELY LEVELED one scene previously is magically rebuilt in time for Little Psycho Boy to burn his little soldier toys.

Overall, this film is probably best viewed with one hand on the rewind button and another on the slow forward. Some scenes are so bad that you have to watch them over and over, if only to prove that what you just saw really happened.